


how many nights does it take to count the stars (lie awake only hoping they're okay)

by fakeheaux



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Angsty Louis, I'm Sorry, M/M, Sad Louis, Teacher!Harry, and fire departments, firefighter!Liam, firefighter!Niall, he hates firefighters, he's bitter and idk what this is, teacher!Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 14:30:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5589760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakeheaux/pseuds/fakeheaux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's a firefighter and Louis hates him for it.</p><p>Or the Louis likes to not be around sad widows of firemen thankyouverymuch au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how many nights does it take to count the stars (lie awake only hoping they're okay)

**Author's Note:**

> So I don't actually know if this is how fire departments in England work, I did some light research but to be honest I kind of wanted it to be a certain way so I made it a certain way. I'm sorry if I offend anyone by making some light (read: major) changes.
> 
> Also I like to think of Lilo's apartment to be Monica and Rachel's from Friends, cause I'm weird.
> 
> Title taken from One Direction's "Infinity"
> 
> ps i cried while writing this at one am please don't hate me

Louis hates Liam's job. He's not even going to sugarcoat it. He understands that it's good, what Liam does, it's right, but he hates Liam's job because of the danger it puts him in. Every day Louis has to say goodbye to his fiancé, and every day he knows he can't be sure that he'll get him back. And, and sometimes Liam has to leave for three whole days, because of the whole 'on call' thing they have set up at the department, where there's always at least one fireman at the station to answer a call of distress.

So Louis hates Liam's job.

"Oh, yeah, I hate it," Louis nods, tracing the bottom of his glass with his pointer finger. The hand holding the glass is starting to cramp up from how tight he's holding it. "All this," he gestures around the station, at the trucks and fire poles and lockers and cubbies. "It's like hell to me. And don't get me wrong, I love what he does for people, I just. I dunno, I'm selfish. I want him to have a job where I know for a fact that he doesn't have a fifty percent chance of dying every time he clocks in."

Harry grins. "It's fine, Lou, every fireman's wife hates the job. It's like being the spouse of a soldier, only slightly better, cause at least you get to see them every day." He takes a sip of his soda, looking around at all the people celebrating. "But I think it's worth it, in the end. I mean, I think I can let it go if he's saving someone all the time, yeah?"

"No," Louis snorts. He wishes his drink were something stronger; the firemen all agreed they should all be sober during this party, thankyouverymuchnoyouwillnotbeexcusedhoran, but Louis hates coming to these things. He's twenty-four, dammit, he shouldn't be forced to sit through parties that make him vaguely uncomfortable.

Harry's grin goes from understanding to amused. "I'm gonna go find Niall, make sure he's not sneaking some whiskey or something. We'll talk, yeah?" He gently touches Louis's elbow as he leaves, a small brush of skin on skin.

Louis narrows his eyes at him as he walks away. "Stop flirting with me, Harold, I'm in a committed relationship!" He calls out slightly louder than necessary. Harry - along with everyone else in the building who's old enough to understand - just shakes his head, not even dignifying Louis enough to toss a grin over his shoulder. Louis's nose curls. "Rude."

He goes to take a sip from his drink, a sad old Pepsi, but is interrupted by someone snatching his cup from him. His brows pull together, and he readies himself to give some over-eager teenager a firm tongue-lashing when he catches sight of his favorite birthmark.

"Oh." He lightly slaps Liam's chest. "I almost yelled at you."

Liam grins, comes in close. "Nah, you hate yelling. Couldn't even yell at Daisy when she broke your phone on purpose that one time."

Louis gapes. "It was on purpose?" He flounders for a bit. "I-I thought she had dropped it in accident, what - I bought her ice cream to make her feel better about it!"

"Yeah, it was just supposed to be an experiment of sorts," Liam laughs. "We wanted to see how much it would take to make you really angry."

"We?!" Louis gasps, offended. "How dare you, Liam James, I am leaving right now-" he begins to walk away, but Liam wraps an arm around his waist, pulling his back to his own front.

"Nooo, babe," he laughs. "I'm sorry, but it's fine, right, cause everything was okay in the end. Daisy got ice cream, you were able to upgrade your phone at little to no added fees on your monthly pay rate-"

It's not that he stops talking, so much, more like Louis smashed his hand over his face so his words would be unintelligible.

"Shut up, really, you overgrown child, how is it you've memorized that stupid ad in the first place, ugh." He pulls himself out of Liam's embrace, then widens his eyes and sticks out his bottom lip, just a bit. "I'm bored, and I'm tired, and I have an early shift tomorrow; could we go home, please?"

Grinning, Liam shakes his head, taking a sip of his - Louis's - drink. "You're a schoolteacher; you have the same shift every day."

"Exactly." Louis states. "And it's an early one, so can we please," he begins to tug on Liam's arm, trying to pull him towards the open garage door of the station. Liam doesn't budge.

"We haven't even brought out the cake, yet, love, and Niall's still got to open his presents. Didn't you say you wanted to be there when he opened yours, specifically?" He gives Louis a pointed look.

Louis throws his back, groaning dramatically (he's a drama teacher for a reason, after all). "But Liiiaaam," he drawls. When all he gets is a slightly amused look in return, he gives up, stops tugging on Liam's arm. Comes in close. "You know I hate these things, Li." He whispers. He nods toward the drawn face of Miss Teasedale, Captain Atkin's girlfriend. The late Captain Atkin's girlfriend. "Making her come to this was a terrible idea, even Harry agrees. And there's always one, you know, because the-" he chokes up a bit, has to push forward "- the deaths never stop, so every time you lot have a gathering like this, there's that one person who's just lost someone. Who is trying to get over it. Who we all dragged back into this because we're trying to help, but you know it never does." He shakes his head. "It's depressing, Li."

And Louis hates having this conversation, hates how in the back of his mind there's a little voice that always cruelly shouts 'it could be you one day.' But he can't stand around pretending Lou's barely-not-crying face isn't horribly mood-ruining, and not in the mean 'why does she have to be sad at such a fun party' way. In the 'we all know that could be us any day now but we don't know how to address that' way.

Sighing, Liam nods, resigned. "You're right. Let me just say goodbye to the lads, and we can go. Maybe we can pick up a film on the way home, yeah? With some Thai, or maybe pizza. We had Thai last night." He smiles, but it's small, and he places a quick peck on Louis's cheek before walking off, Louis's drink still in hand.

Feeling mean and just a little pathetic, Louis makes his own rounds, wishing Niall a happy birthday, making Harry promise to take a video of Niall's reaction and send it to him, giving Miss Teasedale one last hug and kiss on the forehead. He meets up with Liam at their car, is about to apologize for ruining the mood, when an alarm goes off.

He can't help it when he groans aloud.

Everyone goes into disaster mode: mums usher any and all children to the sidelines as the firefighters rush to their gear, Sergeant Higgins barking orders and speaking in some sort of code Louis still hasn't caught onto after three years. Refuses to catch onto.

Liam gives him a pleading look, and Louis waves him off with a muttered "Yeah, yeah. Be safe, you donut." and a kiss on the nose for good luck.

In all the madness, the last glimpse of Liam he gets is an apologetic grin that does little to cover up the rush of excitement Louis knows he always gets during a call.

Weirdo.

✫ ✫ ✫

Louis's heart stops pounding when he hears a key turn in the lock. His eyes can't help but fall closed, the tightness in his chest dissipating. He turns on the couch, arm bent over the back, and smiles softly at Liam, who's hanging his coat by the door looking extremely tired.

"How bad was it?" Because that's always the question.

"Awful." Because that's always the answer. "The entire Smith and Calder building went down. Apparently someone out a candle too close to a stack of paperwork and," he makes a falling motion with his hands, trailing off.

Louis grimaces. "Poor El. And Soph, of course, her name was the first on the building."

Smiling weakly, Liam collapses next to Louis. His nose scrunches up. "I smell like smoke. And sweat."

Humming, Louis runs his hand through Liam's hair. "I think it's hot." When Liam snorts and turns his face away, Louis brings both feet up on the couch, scooting closer. "No, no, really, I totally wanna rip off your clothes right now. It's - it's a kink. A sexy fireman kink."

Turning back with a fully grown grin adorning his features (just as Louis'd intended) Liam shakes his head. "You hate everything to do with firemen and firefighting, Lou. You don't think it's hot."

Well then. "In retrospect," Louis argues. Liam's grin grows. "I think I might have liked it when we first got together. Had those fantasies, you know, of you and me doing the do in a burning building while you're in your uniform. Or - or you busting down my door while I'm cooking in my pants with a gas stove and there's a tea towel too close to it. You know?"

"Not really. Those both sound like terrible scenarios, to be quite honest." Liam shrugs.

Scoffing, Louis rolls his eyes and stands. "Well then, Mr. I'm-a-Fireman-I-Know-All, why don't you take a shower while I start dinner, and I'll let you pick the film tonight."

Liam chuckles, deep in his chest. "Sounds like I'm four and you're trying to bribe me."

Louis nods. "Yeah, s'about right."

Scrunching up his nose, Liam crosses his arms. "Can we have ice cream?"

A grin. "Course, love."

✫ ✫ ✫

"No, Olive, your line is 'Yes.' That's it. There's no monologue that follows; it's just a simple yes." Louis calls from the front row in the audience. The girl rolls her eyes, stepping closer to the edge of the stage.

"But Mr. T, don't you think it'd be better if there was some clarification? I mean, it's a question that deserves clarification, if you ask me." She nods smartly.

Louis tilts his head. "Yeah, well, I didn't ask you, so please. No more clarification. If you do that during an actual performance it'll totally ruin the scene." He waves at all the students. "From 'Don't you think,' please."

A vibration in his pocket pulls his attention away from them all, and he waves at them as he pulls out his phone. "Actually take five, everyone, I've got to take this call."

He stands an walks toward the back of the seats as he answers the call from Harry.

"Haven't you got a class to teach?" He teases.

"Yeah, but you weren't answering your classroom phone and the kids in the booth kept telling me to stop interrupting rehearsal." Harry laughs. "I've just got a quick question, though."

Louis hums. "What's up?"

"Am I bringing pastrami or tortellini to dinner?"

Grinning, Louis turns when he reaches the end of the seats and starts walking back down, keeping a mindful eye on the kids on stage. "Those are two completely different dishes, Haz."

"Yeah, I know, but," Harry stops suddenly, then his voice sounds out much farther away. "Stop that, you two, or I'll send you to the office! Yes, Thomas, I'm talking to you. Don't give me an attitude, young man, you've already gotten into it with me earlier this week. Thank you. There's ruffling on the other end. "Sorry, um. Oh, yeah, me and Niall got the theme for tonight mixed up so we didn't know if it was meats or Italian."

"It's Italian, Harry. So tortellini. Please." Louis answers. He approaches his seat again, and takes it. "Also, I loved that video of Niall from yesterday night; his reaction was so much better than I had hoped!"

Harry laughs. "Yeah, he can't seem to decide whether he hates you or loves - hey! You know what, I've gotta go. Stop right now! Bye, Lou." And he hangs up.

Shaking his head and grinning, Louis waves at the students. "Alright, from 'Don't you think.' And no monologue this time, Olive!"

✫ ✫ ✫

The flat is empty when Louis gets home, a note from Liam on the counter reading 'Got called in, don't worry I'll be safe! Love youuu xxx Li'

"Love you, too." Louis says to the empty room. He sighs, dropping his stuff onto the counter next to the letter and digging through the fridge for a snack, or something to take his mind off Liam's absence.

Because it's what he always does if Liam's not home when he's suppose to be, Louis flicks through every news channel, just to see if anyone's talking about it. He never stays on if they are, though. It just gives him a bad feeling. Well the bad feeling is always there, it's just worse if he watches the live news, annoyingly worried reporter voice commentating on every second of what's going on.

The bad feeling only gets worse, though, as the sky darkens and it nears the time when Liam should be home. Louis begins the preparations for the lasagna they'd planned to make together (Louis doesn't like it too cheesy, Liam doesn't like it too meaty; they try to balance it out by making it together), putting the pasta and the meat to boil.

He gets halfway through when there's a knock on the door. Frowning, Louis looks at the key bowl. Only his are in there, along with some stray candies with questionable origins.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself - Liam's just being held up by some paperwork, or there's been a bunch of other accidents where they've been needed; it happens all the time - Louis looks through the peephole. It's Niall, sans Harry, in his fancy officer's uniform.

Louis swings open the door, half grin formed on his face. "Hey, Niall. Where's Harry? Liam's not home yet, and I haven't even put the lasagna in the oven yet, so." He laughs. "And why are you all dressed up? It's just dinner. Sergeant Horan only comes out to play when-"

His grin drops. He backs away from the door, hand that was resting on the knob falling limp beside him. He shakes his head. "No." It's barely a whisper.

Niall's face is drawn, Louis's only just now noticing. His eyes are red, his hair a bit ruffled as if he'd been running his hands through it. Which he probably has. Nasty habit of Niall's never not touching his hair.

But his eyes are red, and his face is all - forlorn and sad and.

This can't be happening.

"No, Niall!" Louis snaps. "Stop, this isn't a funny joke; the present was not that bad!"

Niall steps inside, closing the door and placing his hat on the counter, where Liam's note still lies. He takes a deep, shaky breath. Louis can see his chest rock with it.

"Louis, I'm very sorry to inform you that, at twelve twenty-four this the afternoon, Liam Payne-"

"No, Niall, stop it!" Louis demands. His eyes are beginning to water; he blinks it away furiously. "You're lying, you're a lier, stop! He's not - he's not! Stop!"

"Was called into service for help with a particularly large fire over at the BookNook." Niall continues on, louder. He's not looking at Louis, his eyes are pinched shut and Louis can see the tears at the corners of his eyes because Liam was his friend too but Louis can't - he can not believe it.

"He, along with six other officers, managed to save everyone inside. But-" and here he stumbles, loses his train of thought as he's overcome with feeling. But he powers through. "A young girl mentioned that she's left her doll inside the building, in the children's section."

(And everyone knows the children's sections is in the very back of the BookNook, far back enough behind everything else that no one trying to read a newly bought book or enjoy a freshly made coffee will be disturbed by the kids who get a tad too excited.)

(But Louis still can't believe him.)

"Niall James Horan, I swear to all that is good in this world, if you don't stop right now-" and Louis's voice is starting to gain volume and all he can hear is nah, you hate yelling -

"Liam bravely went back inside to retrieve the doll, but." Niall grimaces, tears finally flowing freely. "Louis, he never made it out. I'm so sorry, Lou, I am-" and he's moving closer, now, arms held out but Louis can't take it anymore.

He holds his arms out, backing away from Niall until his back hits the couch, yelling "No, no you're lying! You're lying, he's not dead, he's not! He's - he's gonna walk through that door any minute now, Niall, and you're going to be so sorry that you thought this would be funny - no don't touch me! Stop! He's not dead, he's not!" Niall's arms wind tight around him, and he can't help but cling back, watery eyes staring steadfastly at the door, just waiting for Liam to walk in, grin on his face and ash on his brow, just like he has almost every day for the past two years when they first moved into this stupid flat.

All of Louis's energy leaves him, suddenly, and his knees buckles and he drags Niall down with him, tears on both their faces as they kneel there, clutching each other hard enough to leave bruises.

And after all that, the only coherent thought Louis can form is "Who's going to tell Karen?"


End file.
